Becoming Katie {Again}

I lost myself about six months ago. I became a “yes girl”. I said yes to EVERYTHING.

And it destroyed me.

I’ll tell you why; I stopped taking care of myself, my home, my kids. The only thing I focused on was helping other people. I didn’t care if my house was a mess, if my kids didn’t brush their teeth or go to bed on time. I didn’t care about my appearance; I just cared that other people liked me. I had a hero complex. I wanted to be the one people turned to.

It’s no one’s fault but my own. But let me tell you what this did to me….it made me sick. I was so stressed out and confused about my life. There were days I wouldn’t eat, and days I would stuff everything into my face. I was drinking heavily every night. I forgot to take care of myself, or rather, I just didn’t give a shit about myself anymore. I lost it. I became pissed at the world, and I did it all to myself.

I realized I needed to become Katie again when I looked inside my pantry. It was as simple as that. It was a MESS. I don’t do messes. Not the real Katie. The real Katie is an organizer and a planner. A clean freak, if you will. She makes sure her own kids are taken care of, that her family comes first. I literally took charge this morning. I spent three hours cleaning my entire kitchen. Drawers, pantry, fridge (how long have those onions been in there??), floors. I scrubbed it all. And I intend to do one room a day. Top to bottom.

It’s absolutely amazing how eye opening a messy pantry can be.

I also intend to write, read, work my businesses, cook, bake. Be the woman I was a year ago, before I became a “yes girl”.

It’s time to be a “no girl”. A girl who wakes up in the morning and gets the kids to brush their teeth (the dentist tomorrow should be a real treat), who feeds them breakfast before they leave for school. Who stops yelling at them for making a mess in the living room instead of realizing and enjoying the fact that they are using their imaginations.

This Katie….this one feels good. This one can smile, because she’s no longer spending her days exhausted and worried and downright sick to her stomach. She no longer cares what people think of her…because the friends she has are freaking amazing (and have been telling her for the last 6 months that she needed to start saying no). She has an awesome husband, amazing kids, and a full life in front of her.

So here’s to new beginnings, of becoming Katie, again.

Thanks, Pantry, for the reminder.

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.George Washington


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